BUGATTI VEYRON 16.4

THIS IS IT. THE DREAM RIDE.

CAN ONLY LET DEAR JEREMY TELL YOU ABOUT IT

'http://driving.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,12529-1890873,00.html'

Doom

If a game has a mature rating, be afraid to play. Especially a game in which the gamer has only a torchlight worth of light in massive cathedrals of darkness. And even worse, if on sighting the ghoul you press the mouse with all your might, it results in a weak swing of the flashlight, while the ghoul takes away mounds of your avatars flesh and all your sense of confidence with it. You need to have the presence of mind to change to a weapon to blow the ghoul away, but as a result lose the little light that the flashlight provided. And the darkness envelopes you.

Dying a trillion times really affects the spirit. Especially when the process of dying is revealed as a growing peripheral hemorrhage that grows to envelope the screen, which actually pulsates like as if you busted an artery. Doom 3 for you folks.

Any more realistic and nobody will buy their game.

Tennessee

Back from Tennessee. Land where the trees are still green and there’s not a spot of white on the ground.

Nice hospital. What stood out was that they had free food in their cafeteria. And the cafeteria was open 24/7. So the residents there use it like a grocery store. No yoghurt at home pick it up at the cafeteria, they have all the brands. Estimated savings of 16000 dollars in 3 years, if you can subsist on only cafeteria food.

Their call rooms were good to. Mandatory TV and computer, bed always made for you with clean smelling sheets. If you could live in the call room and eat in the cafeteria, your only expenses would be taxes. Imagine that. It takes an Indian to come up with this, that’s why we are admired the world over.

Not going there though, no science going on. It feels to comfy too. Not the place I did fit in. Also too many females. A certain amount is ok more than that the only conversation will be about family.

gaming

‘Gold farming’- people playing online games till they drop for the developed country gamer who isn’t willing to play the initial level of the game and is only interested in playing at the level 60. Basically these are guys who sit around all day play games collect all the gold, weapons, chants etc to make the most formidable avatar to sell to the highest bidder. Hah you gotta love the internet for the way it makes foreign exchange inequalities into money making opportunities.
http://www.nytimes.com/2005/12/09
/technology/09gaming.html?pagewanted=1

So I’m reading ‘The brothers Karamazov’. Sounds like vodka, reads like premchand ki amar kahaniya.

It was written in the 1850`s. So it’s a classic piece of literature, the type that causes aspergillosis in the reader because of the spores inhaled while taking it out.

He knocks me out every time I read a page. Soldiering through though.

Chicago

I wanted to write everyday that I was in Chicago. But every time I went out, every line of thought just froze out of existence. The only thing that remained was the thought that if I wiped my nose any harder it might fall off.

Beautiful place. Explored their museum campus in some detail. Lakeshore-so exceptionally cold and windy. Spectacular view of the downtown at night though. The Fields museum has Sue –a T rex and the stuffed man-eaters of Tsavo [of Colonel Patterson fame]. Besides this there are zillions of stuffed animals, gems, and artifacts on display. There is this particular group of life-sized bronzes of the Masai alert, spears out hunting down a lion and lioness in full charge. The bronzes seem alive except for the air in their lungs. The Masai stand victorious on the lion in the next statuette, akin to Shakti over Mahisasura.

Ah, the Egyptian exhibit is marvelous. Its arranged as a tomb and you view the exhibits within the sanctum. Several mummies and books of the dead are arranged for perusal. Genuine respect for the civilization is palpable as you make your way through the exhibit. Truth is by the time you view all the exhibits your mind is just so overwhelmed that if Tut`s tomb was around the corner you would probably skip it.

Went to the aquarium round the corner, nice. Saw a couple of belugas. Huge white whales with a perennial grin on their faces. They just keep going round and round the insignificant pool they are enclosed in. Lots and lots of fish in several exhibits- of every color and shape imaginable. The aquarium has sections devoted to species from the Amazon, coral reefs, Rift valley and several other habitats. The Amazon exhibit just takes the cake in terms of absolute size of the fish. Forget piranhas, there were so many big fish displayed that you leave with a sense of wonder as would be befitting the longest river in the world.

You leave with a sense that the world is so much more varied and beautiful than even the most spectacular of human creations. Hope it survives us.

Home

Today

Here’s something to chew on. A movement to passively bring about human extinction

http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/
a/2005/11/16/gree.DTL
http://www.vhemt.org/aboutvhemt.htm#vhemt
The penalty for short circuiting evolution - either control reproduction or find new biospheres to plunder.

I sincerely would love the idea that there are worlds out there where we may survive- but since we have not yet found any sign of this yet we must assume that quitting the earth may prove a dream. Which comes to the question as to how much time do we have left before we either eat ourselves up or nature purges itself of us.

As a healer I guess I’m confronted with the idealism that every man deserves to live as long as he chooses. But what I find inexcusable is that individuals can choose life and life giving treatments but are prevented from making a conscious choice to die. Why the taboo. Why is it that the most advanced of human societies find it impossible to address this simple dilemma?

http://www.adbusters.org/metas/eco/
bnd/jammergroups.php is also interesting. It’s basically about people who hate the useless consumption of Black Friday and so decide not to shop on that day. A couple of guys actually go to Wal-Mart, fill up shopping carts with stuff and deposit them in various areas and go back for more shopping carts. The eventual log jam they theorize will prevent rampant greedy shopping. Would be fun to be involved in such nonsense but would hate to be at the receiving end.

Trust the Internet to allow the kookiest of organizations to become a part of the global consciousness. Anyways it’s a start – lets hope we eventually understand our role as the first of the earth’s self aware creatures and the evolution into Gaia.

Indian Education

The Indian education system claimed one more. An IIT Bombay Kid killed himself yesterday [http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com
/articleshow/1302146.cms].


Do I hate that system? I abhor it; I know it’s faulty. It’s prevented me from finding my way, reaching out to what I want to be professionally. But I survived it, didn't prosper in it though. I’m what I'm today because of the way it shaped me and my reactions to it. But I've learnt that it really doesn’t matter, I will go the way I want to go, and be the person I want to be Irrespective.

black friday is on

I’m on gadget high.

Going through all the stuff that gonna be cheap on black Friday [BF2005.com, Gottadeal.com].

So went out looking at the stuff out this year. There’s a new canon digital SLR camera that’s a beauty. And yeah the nano’s cute too. Except for the fact that it costs 200 bucks and will last only a year and a half till its battery runs out. And yeah there was the robot vacuum cleaner that was awesome.

Dream- to be in a room with a big screen plasma TV with a laziboy in front of it. Cordless mouse and keyboard in the laziboy, CPU to the HDTV. Music through Bose speakers. And the entire area carpeted with the robot vacuum cleaner keeping it clean.

Hah that would be paradise.

Silverback

Ishmael

Read ‘Ishmael’. A 1000 repetitions for all of mankind.

Daniel Quinn makes points and draws images that draw attention to our imminent extinction. We know this. Its already common knowledge that we are heading towards our own death. But to be taught by another of God’s creations gives a wholly different take on it.

So here we go on an Ishmael triggered look at my understanding of my world.

Why am I here- To live and die like all of God’s creations

What do I ultimately want- Shanti [inner stillness]

When will I achieve this- When I die [the rishi`s of the Upanishad`s may have achieved this in this life, but I don’t see myself going through with all that it takes]

Who is my God- the universe in me, around me.

Launchcast. [yahoo music venture]

Launchcast is the coolest.

Decided to see what these guy`s meant by personalized music. TO think that they could find all the music in the world that I liked, and play it to me. Anyways that was the hope. And its free and I’ve oodles of time to waste.

So went through the initial shit of known bands and I would like to see on My Station. Then It said I would like to add a few groups, musicians to it. Just what I was looking for. It wanted to play. I would play.

Typed in dire straits. It got it. Antonio Vivaldi, Jethro Tull, Vangelis, Carl orff [ I`ve only heard o`fortuna so I put Carmina Burana on]. It found them and I put them on.

Decided that if I wanted the station to play everything I liked it should play Indian classical. I was getting really hopeful here. Who better than U Srinivas. It FOUND it and I added him on. Dr Chitti Babu, was there. Sudha Ranganathan too.

You can put it in individual albums too. Songs if u like.

I love this, love love love this.

No bollywood music though. Was looking for roja. wasnt there. Maybe some day.

Check out my internet music station if you want. It will be called tallpox`s station i guess on yahoo music.

Dune

I’m on a science fiction fix. Just finished ‘Dune’. Spice as a driver of civilization, and lodestone on which Muad’Dib ascends to the throne of the Empire. Immensely engaging for its detail of Arrakis, home to the fierce Fremen, where water is wealth and the worms are the key.

Must read for anyone who likes far out tales. Frank Herbert visions are compelling and go away from just increasing sophistication. He imagines a greater feudal nature and mysticism about the future that I havn’t come across before.

Though I do agree with him on one point. Wealth and civilisation soften people up, distract them. Its only in the toughest of terrains that you will find creatures that truly know what it means to be alive.

Got to remember that when I make choices again.

timepass

SO what am I upto.

Besides the mandatory email checks, I seem to get a kick out of logging on to Real music. They have a couple of videos that I like listening to. Since they obviously put up tracks that are presently on the charts and probably cool, I really have to search. Audioslave ‘I’m a highway’ is good. So too Anthony and the Johnson’s ‘you are my sister’. And its free music. I get to listen to what’s available. And since I’m on broadband I have enough control of the goings on to be satisfied with the experience.

Looking forward to the day when they can stuff all this content on a mobile device. If I want to listen to several albums of a genre it will immediately download tracks that it knows I’ll like. Even project visual content through my glasses. And have the mandatory skimpily dressed hologram to welcome me in. Yep I would buy that gizmo.

barbers

I hate barbers.

Why is it that they require you to give them instructions and then do it all wrong. The only time I go to a barber is when I want my hair cut short and hopefully look good at the end of it.

So that’s what I did. Told her that I wanted my hair cut short and now I look like a plucked chicken. And paid 15 dollars for it too.

Damn I hate barbers.

Jannu

Exploration

A view from the top of the world.

http://www.panoramas.dk/fullscreen2/full22.html

Nowadays, whenever I feel the need to escape the commonplace that is my destiny, I just read through the chronicles of last years best explorations [http://www.mounteverest.net ] . It isn’t just the sheer determination that stands out in these people, but also their absolute love for adventure. Moves me enough to bring a spring back to my step.

Most of the 8000+ mountains of the world are in the Himalayas. The tallest and the toughest climbs are all there. Mountaineers Mecca bang in the middle of one of the most politically charged landscapes in the world.

Jannu [pic] is a vertical rock face of 3000 meters at an altitude of 7000+ meters. The story of the Russians who went straight up its incline is simply heroic. Pure need to redefine excellence. So too the Catalans who crossed the magic line on K2. When these guys make a statement you just have to believe them.

Experience

It was a Thursday.

I was on duty as junior resident in charge of the trauma ward. A ward full of very sick patients. Amazing how much responsibility they thrust on the most inexperienced member of the team. But that’s just the way it's always been.

He came in GCS 3. Basically breathing not doing anything much else. A middle aged man involved in a hit and run somewhere in Goa's border. We hooked him up to everything we had and maintained the monitoring. Nothing showed on the CT scan, so we just didn’t know why he was so unresponsive.

Friday and I'm back on call. The man is still breathing. No response to any external stimulus. I clearly remember remarking to a nurse that if he remained unresponsive for another day his breathing would surely give, and then feeling bad for being fatalistic. His blood pressure crashed towards the end of the day and I started him on the usual government supplied dopamine. This is part of the routine, which almost always leads to a death, but since my call was ending he would soon be someone else’s patient.

Saturday and he is still breathing. I am elated when I come in, maybe he will come back. We are still quite unsure about why he is in such a deep coma. Worse we still don’t know who he is and what happened to him. Around the evening his blood pressure stopped responding to Dopamine. Usually at this stage we start Dobutamine, as a final waltz to prevent Death. Thing is its frightfully expensive, so the government supplies it only on a local request. The formalities for this can only be done on Monday. But no Dobutamine and he would perish within hours. Truthfully the entire decision rested with me. Did I want to search for the money, cough it up myself if required, or let the man go? The nurse suggested looking in the rusty metal donation box, which is always locked because we’ve lost the key. Are the people we heal satisfied enough with our lack of care to donate to our ward? I looked in through the slit at the top of the box. It looked like there was some cash in there. Spent the rest of the evening scraping through that slit and retrieved some money. Enough to buy Dobutamine to last the man till Monday when the matron can get the government supply mobilized.

Monday He is still breathing. His circulation is holding with both Dopamine and Dobutamine. The police finally decide that an ad in the newspaper is the only way to find out about the man's identity. To last five days with only enough brain working to breath, in my ward, is nothing short of a miracle.

Tuesday, status quo ante.

Wednesday, his daughter comes in. He was a retired police officer staying with her. He had left home to visit some relatives. Since they all thought that he was with someone else, they never bothered to find out. Until she looked in the paper. She asked me how he was. I told her that the chances of him coming back were bleak but we were doing everything we could. The truth for once.

The next morning when I came in the nurse told me that he had passed away in the night.

Was he just waiting for his relatives to find him and pay their last respects?

I don’t know but I genuinely feel that there was more to him than can explained medically.

Maitrim

Evolution

Specifically what is it that causes major differences in philosophy about what the end is?

A little bit of history first. Understand that this is what I know, being a mortal with an irresistible need to question, I ponder without accurately checking facts. The way I understand it, Shankaracharya brought about the first major revival of Hindu philosophy in the 8th century AD. He propounded on all the major scriptures and founded what is called 'advaithic thought'. Basically that self in a truly realized person unites with the Lord of Love, the self resides in all of cosmos, and is the only thing that never changes. Subsequent teachers differ in Shankaracharya about this. For example Ramanujacharya, who propounded his version of the scriptures around the 13th century AD, says that the Self in a truly realized person is free from the eternal cycle of life and death, but remains for all eternity in obeisance to the Lord of Love. This is today called ‘Vashishtadvaithic thought’. These philosophies were adopted by their disciples and passed down from family to family. I personally come from a family that believes in Ramanujacharya as the supreme teacher.

Now here come the questions. My understanding of philosophy is that the means are far more relevant than the end. Meaning all of us have to live our lives with self-control, compassion and renunciation. Meditation with teaching from a learned guru will get us closer to escaping the eternal cycles of life. Nobody can really know specifically what happens to the Self when a person attains moksha, because the plane at which the self is realized is indescribable. So WHAT is it that occurred in 13th century India that caused the need for a change in the description of what is essentially indescribable? What would Ramanujacharya have felt changing the entire interpretation of the end when he himself could only hope to attain it on his demise? What the families caught between these philosophies felt, what if they followed the wrong philosophy [ ok they must have thought, the means are the same so that is no issue, but what if the philosophy is a lie, propounded by a pressing need to alter the essential meaning due to going’s on in this samsara]. And of course, how much of Shankaracharya's thought was influenced by going's on around him.

The intent of this dialogue is not to malign but to try and understand what my ancestors thought's were.

small beginnings

As mode of catharsis and time pass I venture into thee.

So what am I up to? Besides phaffing around and the daily ritual of looking at furthering my CV, I am trying to learn two languages. Sanskrit and Tamil.

Sanskrit, because I love its verses. I love the way everything about it appears to be linked to the divine. I’m honestly trying to go through an abridged snippet version of the Upanishads. Most of whatever I read fits in with my own core beliefs. Yeah, a case of the stupid judging the wise. But I need to question. The interpreter’s text is always poetic, always beautiful, and sometimes so nihilistic. The self within must be realized, not learnt, or sensed. Rituals will not get you there, he actually says that rituals are too feeble a raft to be navigating through samsara, and the participants are like the blind leading the blind. That’s a Hindu telling a Hindu 'most of what you do is crap dude'. Leave what ever you do and go find a teacher, and through his teachings realize the self. Obviously this would have meant the end of a religion, because there would be none to live and procreate, so there are other Upanishad’s, which differ in thought. And of course best of all they always end in Om shanti shanti shanti:

Tamil because I was born into this language but never gave it the importance it deserves. Honestly I am finding the going tough because both of them are so complex. But as with all my projects, I have a lifetime to realize their completion.